Marriage: Surrending Ourselves Forever

Sometimes I feel I’ve been married forever and other times it seems as only a moment has passed since the “I do’s” were pronounced.

First and far most, I need to point out that I’m utterly in love with my husband, maybe so much more than I was all those years ago. The truth is that I don’t know even why? It’s suppose to be the other way around isn’t it?

Mom's wedding 1964 - Copy s

Probably it is, because I haven’t seen much of a sparkle in any of the eyes of a lot of couples I know.  You know the “infatuated” kind of sparkle, the one that shouts I’ll die if you don’t have me kind of thing.  Do you remember way back then (maybe 10, 15, 20 or more years ago) how you felt?

Marriage brings out the best and worst of all of us. We want our husbands to know what and how we want things, and the most dangerous of them all, we expect them to know how we feel.  We create expectations that in many occasions are just to damn hard to live up to and then we have to lay down in the bed we’ve made up for ourselves.

Probably because at the beginning of our married lives we choose to see what we want and whisk away the things we don’t like.  As those same things catch up with us we begin witnessing the flaws we didn’t want to work with making the initial sparkle fade away to an unwanted background of no return.

That said,  it’s not hard to believe that staying married is hard work now a days.  As our relationships have become more and more disposable, it’s easier to just let go and walk away.  It’s harder to work on our relationships.  We walk into this blissful state without really knowing what we’re getting into.  A philosophy professor I had once (which by the way was a Catholic priest) said that when we get married we surrender ourselves forever.  We no longer belong to ourselves, but entirely to another person.  We lose our freedom to the other person.  Is this true?

Is this the reason the Center for Disease Control and Prevention published on its site that 6.8 per 1,000 total population marry and more than half of that same population divorce (3.6 per total population).

Do we become aware of this and just do an about-face and run!

The interesting part of my professor’s view was that marriage was a two person deal.  In other words, all our loss was his or her gain and vice versa.  Our significant other hold our freedom, but we at the same time hold theirs.

This could work!

I have his happiness within my hands (a break it or make it kind of thing), but he also has mine.  We are two halves drifted apart and rejoined in a perfect circle where the line between us is invisible.  Both become one, united in love, friendship, care, compassion, tenderness and passion.

Is it to hard to stay in love?

With the passing of time we forget all about the things that drew us together.  Many fall in lust and not in love.  Nevertheless, many have found love out of lust because they’ve been lucky enough to build their relationship from there on.

Relationships are all about finding our way around them.  There is no book, or rules, or anything in fact that can teach us how to make it work.   Funny to say from a person that buys a book almost for everything I need to cope with. 

If you look back and can still see in that forsaken background the sparkle that united both of you together, reach out and fall in love all over again.

It’s more than worth it mis queridos amigos y amigas.

El amor siempre lo es………………..