Marriage

What does honesty have to do with anything?

Recently I read a post on FB that talked about honesty and how it wasn’t related at all with marriage or any other sort of relationship.

It basically said that “….I don’t believe in marriage, but I do believe in honesty…”.

It has kept me ticking ever since, and it’s been a good two or more weeks since I read it.  To top it all it had a good number of likes.

Is that our reality?

Isn’t honesty an essential element of our marriages?

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If your answer is NO, don’t worry it’s not the end of the world!  All you need to do is build new bridges of communication with your significant other and include honesty.  Doing the honest thing is the hardest thing of it all.

You don’t have to necessarily have an affair to become the despicable dishonest one, it can be as simple as avoiding hard topics just because you’re not honest enough to discuss the issues.

Having an honest to God confrontation doesn’t hurt any relationship it helps mend fences if you ask me.

via morgueFile

Because when everything is said and in the open we will face our issues and deal with them as earnestly as we can.  That’s when we are faced with the wonderful opportunities of reconstructing a relationship that has gone wrong.

Well, if you want to.

For some not dealing with their issues is just an excuse for broken relationships, then you would need to ask yourself,  who is the dishonest one here?

Marriage is basically a life sentence with someone of our choosing.  Since it’s a life venture honesty is crucial for its success.  Even if being honest brings a bit of hurt to one of us.  Marriage is the first stone in building a family.  When the couple suffers, the family that was built because of it also suffers.

A movie that portrays this cause and effect relationship would be It’s Complicated because even though their children seemed to be fine with their parent’s divorce the sparkle of hope that is born when they witness their parents new relationship is heart breaking.

Children don’t need to be a casualty of any broken relationship.

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Next time you want to fiddle with the concept of honesty in our relationships, please let’s give ourselves a hard look from inside out and maybe we will be able to see that if we were honest with our significant others all the time our relationships would be healthy even if we did part along the way.

Honesty is an important part  of all our relationships, let’s just not forget it.

Friendship

When Honesty is the Wrong Approach

Being honest and straightforward isn’t socially acceptable anymore.  Now you’re probably saying that’s bull!!!!  I’m honest and straightforward, what’s wrong with you?

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Well to be honest to the truth, when someone let’s say maybe a preacher, or your boss, or a friend (not someone you casually know, like for example a Facebook friend type of thing), but maybe the ones you truly don’t want to mess up your relationship kind of thing, or your partner, girlfriend/boyfriend, fiancée, and or  wife/husband is saying or doing something you really don’t like, how would you respond to it?

Honesty can backfire and blow right in your face.

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Once I had a friend (like the ones I described before), someone I valued and cared for deeply.  I chose to be honest with her over a serious issue and basically we couldn’t get over it. Our relationship collapsed,  and to the day and probably till the day I die I’ll regret it.

In her case, there was no way honesty could be breached.  I was the one who would face the consequences of honesty.

Basically if we want our relationships up and going we can’t do the honesty thing as often as we would like.  I’ve known a few couples that when having to talk about some issues that were jeopardizing their relationships, one chose to be completely honest and wham, their relationship became history.

Don’t even go there if you need to address work related issues with your boss, it’s not even worth it. You’ll end up on the wrong side of him/her and probably get a bad yearly evaluation or worst get fired.

The days when you could work things out facing them are long gone.

As icing to the cake, the trend would be to talk it over with another person. Wow, is that bad or what?

Things become even more complicated when that same person, talks to you about it.  What do you do?  Can you call or meet the person and have a straightforward and honest conversation? Or is that out of the question?  Or is it easier to post a comment in your Facebook status that almost nobody knows what it means except you.

I call it the riddle game.  You have to try to figure out what’s going on with the person, but really don’t know what it is or who it’s about.

Probably that’s why our relationships have gone sour more too often, is it time for us to recapture them through the healthy channels of honesty.  I think it is, do you?

Uncategorized

When Love Doesn’t Make The Cut

Marriage is a dying enterprise these days, it’s so bad we can probably say it’s an archaic and has fallen in disuse. It’s not what it used to be is an understatement!

Young people when faced with solo the idea, rush to break a very loud sound  as they say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Marriage has become the appetizer no one wants to eat, the one that is constantly passed around during the party and gets  the  “No, thank”  so many times,  it’s not even  funny.

Why?

Probably because those who have engaged in it have broken it so often (Check out the alarming divorce rates.) that people simply have lost their faith in marriage.  This institution no longer is what is used to be (No kidding!).   Maybe in the past people would marry out of love and when the initial gloss of it would wear off,  they had the guts to stick through it.  Nobody said that marriage was or ever has been perfect because it is NOT.  It’s difficult to live through and basically it’s a humongous pain in the butt.  Yet, I wouldn’t change my marriage for nothing in this world.

via morgueFile

I’ve stayed married for 28 and counting.  Even though I’ve given my own children a great example (my husband and myself are still sick in love with each other).  They tremble at the idea of getting married.

Why?

Basically because of the level of commitment it requires, or they say.

But enough of the appetizers and let’s move on the main course, when love doesn’t make the cut.  Making the cut is an expression of quality control because it ensures that the product passes all the inspections to become prime quality.  Love nowadays doesn’t make the cut because (at least this is my opinion) it flunks at the quality level.  It doesn’t pass the tests that would make it durable and prime quality.  Those tests are basically the events that go on during our lives.

Each negative event has an impact on how we live as well as on our relationships.  Nobody gets upset when they get a raise, or when they get up for promotion, or when they have money saved in the bank, or when they have enough food in the pantry or refrigerator, or when their bills are paid or when they………..etc. etc. etc. etc. etc…..  Please, feel free to fill in the blanks here, people!

Seeing it from the other side around,  staying in love and married under economic hardship is almost impossible if you don’t work things out.   I’m not really saying anything new because one of the causes for the soaring numbers on divorce is due to economic hardship.

Economic hardship, illness or whatever your negative events a/k/a quality control of your relationship is, is your own business.  Wait!  No it’s not your own business because marriage isn’t about one, but two people, so it’ pertains both of you.   That’s the first step where we go wrong, we go over the bad things alone, we need to do it together (or at least that’s what I do) and believe me some serious shit has happened to us.  Talking things over when the time is right is a key element.  Now please note the disclosure here “when the time is right”.  Some of us out there want to talk to soon, we need to give ourselves a break and then come together to talk.  I hate talking about things right away and my husband has learned to wait.  How can I talk to him about an important issue (changes we have to make or anything related) when I haven’t had time to think about it?  That for starters have helped us.

My husband has carried a picture of our wedding day in his wallet ever since we married.
My husband has carried a picture of our wedding day in his wallet ever since we married.

 

Also, when times had gotten tough, and our bills have been unpaid basically because we don’t have the money (raising a family of six isn’t easy) due to whatever, we make a plan together and play through it to get to the other side.  My husband always says to me “As long as we’re together we’ll be fine.”.  That has been one of our foundations, all of us have difficult times and it stinks to have to live through them alone, it’s so much better when we have someone to hug and find comfort in.

Recently I heard the craziest reason a person had to end a relationship, the dishes!  So, it can really be anything that can break up a marriage.

Each and every time we have converted one of these bad events into something we have survived through together our marriage has become stronger.

Why do you think people who are married sleep together (and no it’s not about the sex)?  It’s because during that very private time when the day is coming to an end (where you can put your mind to rest, even if it’s for a little while)  you get to go to bed with that one person in the world who chose you and you chose him, who is  unconditional,  and wants to be with you no matter what!  Each and every time this happens,  love has and will make the cut.

In a society where we are in dire need of change, our first step should be towards the family unit and  it can’t survive if our marriages don’t.   So, for those of you who are still married and want to give it a try, find whatever works for you.  Don’t give up  on marriage because nobody said it would be easy!   Love does exist all we need to do is give it a chance, believe,  and maybe it’ll make the cut.