Dear readers, a couple of years ago when I decided to retake all the blog thing. I was looking for the perfect name, and thought since my blog was mainly about my faith or the challenge to remain a believer, thus came my title, Believing.
I’ve always thought that my blog is essentially my editorial on life.
Many people write for specific causes, I have another blog which is dedicated to my struggle as a Myasthenia Gravis patient. However, one of the things I love the most of this blog is that I can write whatever I get the muse about.
It’s been dedicated to immigration issues, sequestration, political views, Trump, Facebook and so many other things. It has depended mainly on my muse.
You would think that bloggers don’t have a shortage on inspiration due to all the things we see and read about, but sometimes you are just too startled to write about anything.
For instance, relationships publicized through Facebook intrigue me. I ask myself, how is it possible that I can congratulate someone through Facebook and not pick up the phone just to say congratulations to those you care about.
That mesmerizes me.
An interesting analogue with Trump and his fake news, would be Facebook relationships are fake.
On the other hand,
How do you remain a believer when you witness the atrocities of life?
How do you stay believing in promises that are as old as time?
How do you remain a believer when there is nobody to believe in?
When you have raised your children in a path of faith and they decide to face prayer and faith in general with impatience and distrust. You can only ask yourself, “What did I do wrong?”
When their own skepticism has made you doubt of your own faith as a believer in the good of people,
My son always tells me,
“Mom, a man is capable of great good, but also of great evil.”
Both dwell inside of us like twins.
It’s harder to believe than not to. Our faith is challenged with each step we take in this journey called life.
Let’s not forget that life itself is a mystery, we can live many years or simply pass away much sooner than expected. The important thing is to always keep things in the exact perspective. Just like my blog, with a little bit of everything.
So my dear friends, see you around the corner, and never stop believing in the good of life or yourself.
Dear readers, I take my life one day at a time because just dealing with today is hard enough.
Our routines and so much more have a direct impact on those who surround and love us deeply. They live through our ups and downs, sometimes voicing their feelings and other times just remaining silent. It’s hard on us and for them as well.
As I sorted my daughter’s things trying to organize her room I stumbled upon a prayer she wrote during the Summer while I was trying to recover after receiving treatment in the Hospital. Her prayer was issued in a secluded place between God and her, and even though it was not intended to be shared with anyone, today I share it with all of those who are caregivers of those they love, let the miracle of healing begin within us all.
“I heard once that prayer is about redefining our desires, it is about being open to ask for guidance, and even though we do not control our journey that does not mean we are astray.
Today I pray open to hear, even when that fills me with fear.
Dear Gracious God, I am not praying to give excuses or explain my silence. Whom I am trying to fool? My silence is yet nothing more than silent panic.
You know that.
I pray for longer walks, for less tiredness.
I pray for more smiles and restfulness of spirit.
I pray that the spirit might comfort the body.
I pray for shorter naps and more energy.
I pray for coffee @3 pm between shared stories.
I pray for our usual complicity to remain intact in times of sickness.
I pray for our unspoken bond to grow stronger in the face of weakness.
I pray that we can share prayers.
I pray that her body can gain strength while her spirit stands strong.
For now, I pray that she can rest knowing that we will do our best holding her so she does not fall.
The other day as I spoke with a friend, she told me,
“You know I’ve learned the hard way to become assertive, my doormat days are over”.
I made a mental note of acting with a completely new attitude the next time around I was admitted at a health care facility. My friend was making ground breaking changes in her new life and initially after my surprise, admiration came along the way.
My opportunity for test driving my assertiveness as my new ME came slamming at my door, (not literally though so don’t get too excited) when my neurologist told me on the phone that he was sending me to the hospital for another round of immunoglobulin therapy for five days. To which I completely agreed due to the fact that very “pronto” I was heading towards a myasthenia crisis.
Now, let’s get back to the assertiveness thing going on.
It came handy after I went through the hassle of getting admitted in a local hospital facility pretty near to my house. In Puerto Rico distance is relative really, because close for me is about a forty minute drive from a rural area where as for any other folk that’s not close at all.
After I had signed, initialed and gave all my personal and medical information to the admissions officer, she calmly told me…
“Doña Maritza (which left me feeling 49 going to 80) or better translated Old Lady Maritza, there are no rooms available, and you will have to begin your treatment in the ER in an isolated room for the moment, until a bed comes up in a double room after an unknown patient is discharged.”
After my first response of a head nod (since hey, I’m the one needing a room in a hospital), my newly acquired skill came to the rescue as I replied with my newly acquired hospital assertiveness…..
“No, this situation is unacceptable for me,”
“I came in as a direct admission and this is what precisely is going to happen.”
To which she told me with a bit of an attitude that, if I chose not to go through the ER, then what would happen was that I would have to wait sitting in an adjacent room until a patient/client was discharged.”
To which I replied,
“I am going to have to defer, since you should have told me before hand that you did not have a room available for my admission. I have an autoimmune illness and going through any high risk area will become harmful to my health.”
She told me,
“Why did the doctor not write this down on your order?” with a sorry, I can’t help you if he didn’t, voice.
Feeling very proud of myself in retrospect for standing up to this hospital bully, I replied,
“You do have a clearly written diagnose on your order, this facility should have codes for patients with certain chronic conditions. ”
Well, how did it end?
Simple, easy and very assertive,
I declined the ER and withdrew my admission to this facility writing on all the space available of the exoneration document, handed over not so nicely, where I informed the administration of that hospital that they should set up policies that were helpful for the patient/client and their administrative people where they were clearly give not the hospital, but the patient enough information to make an informed choice.
Finally I ended up, in another facility where not only did they understand my condition clearly, but they were able to accommodate my needs within the hospital’s policies and my treatment began early the next morning.
So, you see my “dear amigos” being assertive helps in all situations where we just need to say no and move on to greener pastures in all what life brings us.
Please, never forget to keep believing in yourself and the good of life no matter what we find along its path, and remember assertiveness is not only my new me, but can become the new you.
See you around the corner.
My life hasn’t been perfect and I believe that most people think the same.
We live each day hoping good things come around and struggling at the same time to put things right.
Either way I’m mostly grateful of all the people and things I have in my life.
Each morning I get to wake up next to the love of my life. A kind and compassionate man who has graced me with his love since we were teenagers. The one I fumbled innocently with, unaware of the things we would have to live through. We have remained together through and through no matter what.
My children are all grown up and I get to be part of their lives as well. I’m excited watching them make their way in life. Two going off to graduate school, the other planning his life after his graduation this Summer. Making plans, dreaming, hoping and just plain living. I’m very thankful they make me part of all that. They’re more than ready to begin living away from the nest and that’s fine. I’ll kiss them and just let them know if anything goes wrong I’m just a phone call away and we can talk. They all know life isn’t perfect and sometimes we just have to rearrange our plans when sucky things happen.
My parents are still strong and independent, as well as my mother in law. My husband and myself celebrate this because we still don’t have to become their caregivers. Down the road, that will come around and we need to be ready to face it, when it does. However since we’re still not there, we are grateful.
I’m grateful that my father in law passed away peacefully and without pain this year. I’m also grateful because his passing opened my heart to kindness and compassion for all who suffer cancer in any way of form, and most of all because the beauty of love is that it’s something we give freely and if we get a bit bruised it’s nothing that won’t eventually heal. Opening up to others has more positives then negatives any given day.
I’m grateful for my daughter that gave me an insight of immigration issues. She gave me a face and a life in the ocean of anonymous faces that compound the immigrants in the States. She gives up her free time to serve this community in Tucson, AZ, since they have taken her in as one of their own. I’m blessed I’ve gotten to know Rosa, who is in sanctuary in Southside Presbyterian Church, through her descriptions and anecdotes.
I’m grateful because Ian is part of my life. However, scared I feel that his parents can take him away some time soon because they are relocating in the States. He’s been a big part of my life for the past three and a half years and will always be. He’ll always be in my heart, no matter what. Sometimes destiny just calls and things change. Loving him isn’t something I will ever regret, even if it does come along with some pain.
I’m grateful I suffer a chronic disease because it’s make me aware of the beauty of treasuring special moments and being happy any given day I’m feeling good.
So, you see my dear friends all of us should be grateful that even if our life isn’t perfect we get to live it the way we want. Most of us have more good, than bad, but we often choose bad over good to dwell upon. Let’s highlight the good in our lives and just say thank you life.
You’ve given me grief over joy some years and during others you’ve given me joy over grief, but still each year has been worth of living because nobody said life would be perfect.
See you around the corner and never stop believing in the good of life or yourself. Happy Thanksgiving.