All of us lead double lives!
Whaaaaaat? That’s you who just said that looong “WHAT” by the way. Don’t click yourself away, well not until at least, I’ve explained myself.
When we listen to the phrase “double life” the first thing that comes to our head, or at least to mine, is cheating.
Well, I’m not going to write about cheating in the “meaningful other” type of relationship, but in our own inner double lives. All of us have voices inside our heads that represent our true self. For instance, hasn’t it happened to you that you bump into an acquaintance, and you say all the right things, but inside you’re thinking probably the opposite of what you’re saying.
The sad part is that the same thing can happen not only to someone you may know, but with your own family or significant other.
If you come to think about it cheating as in a relationship isn’t as hard as you would believe.
Usually as parents of adult children, we say something and we think something completely different. Probably it’s because our opinions or advice are not welcomed or asked for. In my case, I tell my own children whatever is on my mind, even if they don’t like it too much. My husband always wants to play it on the safe side and will be much more diplomatic. I do respect them an awful lot, but I will voice my opinion if they raise a subject I’m concerned about. To be honest, if they don’t raise the subject in a conversation, I’ll be more than happy to bring it to the table.
Even though, now a days I would say I’m a wee more careful on how I say things.
That’s only one aspect of keeping our thoughts to ourselves.
What happens when those thoughts involve something that is basically wrong?
How hard is it to become the persons we are inside without fears or compromising who we are?
In today’s world I would say its darn hard!
We try to play the part of politically correct all the time and lose something along the way. Being honest doesn’t take you places, however saying what others want, will. You need to be careful in your job (specially with your boss), with your friends (if you say or do something wrong or very wrong you’ll end up losing), with your partner, spouse, significant other or what you want to call it (remember you live with them), with your neighbors, your relatives, etc., etc.
It is tricky! Remember the motto, “survival of the fittest”.
As I write this post, my thoughts go back to this special woman from Kansas, her name was Helen E. Baker, she came to Puerto Rico specifically to this little corner of the west side of the Island, during the 60’s, she came way up in the mountain and taught the people here many things.
One of the things that many of us have forgotten is the way she would raise her hand in the middle of any meeting, service or any other thing in fact, to raise her voice when she thought something was wrong.
I still recall her hand straight and still until whoever was leading the meeting gave her an opportunity to talk. Her exact words in Spanish (a language she barely spoke) would always be, “No, no, no, eso no es asi.”. Which is no, it’s not like you’re saying it, and she would go on to explain why?
She passed away during my early twenties, and I’m almost hitting my 5th decade (I get a kick on how that sounds), so she would have had a hard time living among us now a days.
I need to go back to what this amazing woman taught me through example, and not hesitate to raise my hand and voice, to simple say, “NO, I don’t agree with you.”
The catch is my dear friend, that I need to learn to listen completely to who ever is talking before I give my thoughts a voice.
What about you, are you willing to raise your hand? You will be pleasantly surprised on how well it makes you feel!