Have you tried to give your thoughts a voice?

All of us lead double lives!

Whaaaaaat?  That’s you who just said that looong “WHAT”  by the way.  Don’t click yourself away, well not until at least,  I’ve explained myself.

What is wrong with you

When we listen to the phrase “double life” the first thing that comes to our head, or at least to mine, is cheating.

Well, I’m not going to write about cheating in the “meaningful other” type of relationship, but in our own inner double lives.  All of us have voices inside our heads that represent our true self.  For instance, hasn’t it happened to you that you bump into an acquaintance, and you say all the right things, but inside you’re thinking probably the opposite of what you’re saying.

The sad part is that the same thing can happen not only to someone you may know, but with your own family or significant other.

If you come to think about it cheating as in a relationship isn’t as hard as you would believe.

Usually as parents of adult children, we say something and we think something completely different.  Probably it’s because our opinions or advice are not welcomed or asked for.  In my case, I tell my own children whatever is on my mind, even if they don’t like it too much.  My husband always wants to play it on the safe side and will be much more diplomatic.  I do respect them an awful lot, but I will voice my opinion if they raise a subject I’m concerned about.  To be honest, if they don’t raise the subject in a conversation, I’ll be more than happy to  bring it to the table.

Even though, now a days I would say I’m a wee more careful on how I say things.

That’s only one aspect of keeping our thoughts to ourselves.

What happens when those thoughts involve something that is basically wrong?


How hard is it to become the persons we are inside without fears or compromising who we are?

In today’s world I would say its darn hard!

We try to play the part of politically correct all the time and lose something along the way.  Being honest doesn’t take you places, however saying what others want, will.  You need to be careful in your job (specially with your boss), with your friends (if you say or do something wrong or very wrong you’ll end up losing), with your partner, spouse, significant other or what you want to call it (remember you live with them), with your neighbors, your relatives, etc., etc.

It is tricky!  Remember the motto, “survival of the fittest”.

As I write this post, my thoughts go back to this special woman from Kansas, her name was Helen E. Baker, she came to Puerto Rico specifically to this little corner of the west side of the Island, during the 60’s, she came  way up in the mountain and taught the people here many things.

One of the things that many of us have forgotten is the way she would raise her hand in the middle of any meeting, service or any other thing in fact,  to raise her voice when she thought something was wrong.

I still recall her hand straight and still until whoever was leading the meeting gave her an opportunity to talk.  Her exact words in Spanish (a language she barely spoke) would always be, “No, no, no, eso no es asi.”. Which is no, it’s not like you’re saying it, and she would go on to explain why?

She passed away during my early twenties, and I’m almost hitting my 5th decade (I get a kick on how that sounds), so she would have had a hard time living among us now a days.

I need to go back to what this amazing woman taught me through example, and not hesitate to raise my hand and voice, to simple say, “NO, I don’t agree with you.”

The catch is my dear friend, that I need to learn to listen completely to who ever is talking before I give my thoughts a voice.

What about you, are you willing to raise your hand? You will be pleasantly surprised on how well it makes you feel!


What does honesty have to do with anything?

Recently I read a post on FB that talked about honesty and how it wasn’t related at all with marriage or any other sort of relationship.

It basically said that “….I don’t believe in marriage, but I do believe in honesty…”.

It has kept me ticking ever since, and it’s been a good two or more weeks since I read it.  To top it all it had a good number of likes.

Is that our reality?

Isn’t honesty an essential element of our marriages?

via morgueFile

If your answer is NO, don’t worry it’s not the end of the world!  All you need to do is build new bridges of communication with your significant other and include honesty.  Doing the honest thing is the hardest thing of it all.

You don’t have to necessarily have an affair to become the despicable dishonest one, it can be as simple as avoiding hard topics just because you’re not honest enough to discuss the issues.

Having an honest to God confrontation doesn’t hurt any relationship it helps mend fences if you ask me.

via morgueFile

Because when everything is said and in the open we will face our issues and deal with them as earnestly as we can.  That’s when we are faced with the wonderful opportunities of reconstructing a relationship that has gone wrong.

Well, if you want to.

For some not dealing with their issues is just an excuse for broken relationships, then you would need to ask yourself,  who is the dishonest one here?

Marriage is basically a life sentence with someone of our choosing.  Since it’s a life venture honesty is crucial for its success.  Even if being honest brings a bit of hurt to one of us.  Marriage is the first stone in building a family.  When the couple suffers, the family that was built because of it also suffers.

A movie that portrays this cause and effect relationship would be It’s Complicated because even though their children seemed to be fine with their parent’s divorce the sparkle of hope that is born when they witness their parents new relationship is heart breaking.

Children don’t need to be a casualty of any broken relationship.

via Google Images

Next time you want to fiddle with the concept of honesty in our relationships, please let’s give ourselves a hard look from inside out and maybe we will be able to see that if we were honest with our significant others all the time our relationships would be healthy even if we did part along the way.

Honesty is an important part  of all our relationships, let’s just not forget it.


When Honesty is the Wrong Approach

Being honest and straightforward isn’t socially acceptable anymore.  Now you’re probably saying that’s bull!!!!  I’m honest and straightforward, what’s wrong with you?

via Google images

Well to be honest to the truth, when someone let’s say maybe a preacher, or your boss, or a friend (not someone you casually know, like for example a Facebook friend type of thing), but maybe the ones you truly don’t want to mess up your relationship kind of thing, or your partner, girlfriend/boyfriend, fiancée, and or  wife/husband is saying or doing something you really don’t like, how would you respond to it?

Honesty can backfire and blow right in your face.

via Google images

Once I had a friend (like the ones I described before), someone I valued and cared for deeply.  I chose to be honest with her over a serious issue and basically we couldn’t get over it. Our relationship collapsed,  and to the day and probably till the day I die I’ll regret it.

In her case, there was no way honesty could be breached.  I was the one who would face the consequences of honesty.

Basically if we want our relationships up and going we can’t do the honesty thing as often as we would like.  I’ve known a few couples that when having to talk about some issues that were jeopardizing their relationships, one chose to be completely honest and wham, their relationship became history.

Don’t even go there if you need to address work related issues with your boss, it’s not even worth it. You’ll end up on the wrong side of him/her and probably get a bad yearly evaluation or worst get fired.

The days when you could work things out facing them are long gone.

As icing to the cake, the trend would be to talk it over with another person. Wow, is that bad or what?

Things become even more complicated when that same person, talks to you about it.  What do you do?  Can you call or meet the person and have a straightforward and honest conversation? Or is that out of the question?  Or is it easier to post a comment in your Facebook status that almost nobody knows what it means except you.

I call it the riddle game.  You have to try to figure out what’s going on with the person, but really don’t know what it is or who it’s about.

Probably that’s why our relationships have gone sour more too often, is it time for us to recapture them through the healthy channels of honesty.  I think it is, do you?