Time and Time Again

Dear readers, haven’t you ever wondered about how from time and time again we walk through the same paths during our lives.

As days, weeks, months and years pass we come back to face the same dilemmas, the same joys and the same people over and over again.  We run parallel to that and them, never being able to run to far away.

It’s as we have been stringed to the same things.  Life is indeed a mystery.


I’ve seen this in my life and even though it may seem a burden to an extent, it is also a blessing in many ways.  Uuuf, just take illness, that’s one I could have declined very easily if given the choice, my husband was diagnosed with cirrhosis early on in our marriage, my kids seem always to have a health issue of one sort of the other (thank God none of too much concern), and I’ve battled against Myasthenia Gravis for the past twelve years.  It ain’t easy!!!!!!!!!!!! However, it’s not that bad either, through my illness I’m always trying to strive to make my day, the best day ever.

All of us have to face the same challenges.  We all wake up in the morning not certain of anything that will happen that day.  It could be like any other day or it can be a day that will change the course of our life.  The only difference from people who face the incognito with a disease is that our self-awareness is always at high, or at least mine is.

I’ve come to accept with a grateful heart those who have chose to be close to me and have enriched my life in so many ways.  Building relationships are the toughest of all the quests in life, but it sure feels great when you get to a point where you can rest assured and safe inside those relationships.

Believing that a higher power, name it whatever you want, keeps us in balance, stringed to the things and people we need for whatever it is we need to be in our lives is the most amazing experience you or I will ever have.  I am grateful with a humble heart  for the good, for the bad, each and everything that lies in between and within my life and to be able to be living and enjoying today’s day.

Have a great day everyone, see you around the corner and thanks for stopping by.





Thank You Life

My life hasn’t been perfect and I believe that most people think the same.

We live each day hoping good things come around and struggling at the same time to put things right.

Either way I’m mostly grateful of all the people and things I have in my life.

Each morning I get to wake up next to the love of my life.  A kind and compassionate man who has graced me with his love since we were teenagers.  The one I fumbled innocently with, unaware of the things we would have to live through.  We have remained together through and through no matter what.

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My children are all grown up and I get to be part of their lives as well.  I’m excited watching them make their way in life.  Two going off to graduate school, the other planning his life after his graduation this Summer.  Making plans, dreaming, hoping and just plain living.  I’m very thankful they make me part of all that.  They’re more than ready to begin living away from the nest and that’s fine.  I’ll kiss them and just let them know if anything goes wrong I’m just a phone call away and we can talk.  They all know life isn’t perfect and sometimes we just have to rearrange our plans when sucky things happen.

My parents are still strong and independent, as well as my mother in law.  My husband and myself celebrate this because we still don’t have to become their caregivers.  Down the road, that will come around and we need to be ready to face it, when it does. However since we’re still not there, we are grateful.

I’m grateful that my father in law passed away peacefully and without pain this year. I’m also grateful because his passing opened my heart to kindness and compassion for all who suffer cancer in any way of form, and most of all because the beauty of love is that it’s something we give freely and if we get a bit bruised it’s nothing that won’t eventually heal. Opening up to others has more positives then negatives any given day.

I’m grateful for my daughter that gave me an insight of immigration issues.  She gave me a face and a life in the ocean of anonymous faces that compound the immigrants in the States.  She gives up her free time to serve this community in Tucson, AZ, since they have taken her in as one of their own.  I’m blessed I’ve gotten to know Rosa, who is in sanctuary in Southside Presbyterian Church, through her descriptions and anecdotes.

I’m grateful because Ian is part of my life.  However, scared I feel that his parents can take him away some time soon because they are relocating in the States.  He’s been a big part of my life for the past three and a half years and will always be.  He’ll always be in my heart, no matter what.  Sometimes destiny just calls and things change. Loving him isn’t something I will ever regret, even if it does come along with some pain.

I’m grateful I suffer a chronic disease because it’s make me aware of the beauty of treasuring special moments and being happy any given day I’m feeling good.

So, you see my dear friends all of us should be grateful that even if our life isn’t perfect we get to live it the way we want.  Most of us have more good, than bad, but we often choose bad over good to dwell upon.  Let’s highlight the good in our lives and just say thank you life.

You’ve given me grief over joy some years and during others you’ve given me joy over grief, but still each year has been worth of living because nobody said life would be perfect.

See you around the corner and never stop believing in the good of life or yourself. Happy Thanksgiving.


Limbo Land

Limbo means pretty much the same thing in Spanish or English.    The land between the dead and the alive.  A place where we just sit and do pretty much nothing.

We just sit there neither dead or alive.  Just existing and letting life pass by without really living.

How many of us live on Limbo Land?

Limbo land is a place where some of us now and then get a visiting pass.

It’s a place that occasionally is pretty nice and comfortable, but leads nowhere specific.  It becomes so pleasant we just want to stay there for an indefinite time.

Now how to check out of it, it’s more like trying to check out of the Eagles’ Hotel California, don’t know how many of you out there remember the lyrics of “you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave” or something like that.

The thing is we need to leave our personal  Limbo Lands quickly or we may run into the possibility of never checking out.  We’ll be trapped there forever.

Our circumstances may vary from time to time and it basically works two ways.  Or either we can’t control them or we can.  Circumstances we can’t control are those that are imposed by something bigger than us.  On the other hand, they are circumstances that pertain to our day-to-day lives that we can and should control.

Small changes so many times produce huge results

Living on Limbo Land without getting out there or taking charge of our lives is easier than putting ourselves through the excruciating process of change.

It’s easier to just let things and ourselves go.

WE validate our existence in this beautiful but none challenging land, saying we really can’t do anything about it, or can we?

your morgueFile

We need to allow ourselves to move out.

Living in Limbo land is liking being stuck on a beautiful island, full of gorgeous tropical flowers, palm trees, green vegetation, and all sorts of birds, with one boat on the deck.  You know you need to get on that boat and transport yourself to a  much fuller life, but you just can’t make yourself do it.

You blow your brains trying to figure out things, and it’s really quite simple.

First, give yourself a good shake.

Second, give yourself a good hard look (inside and out) leaving nothing uncovered.

Third, and last get moving “mis queridos amigos”.

Apply these three simple steps to basically everything that has you stuck there.  It could be trying to become a healthier person (which will bring down your weight and a whole bunch of issues), it could be professionally (getting out of that job you just hate), honestly looking at your faith (in what do you really believe in), it could be getting out of a really bad short or long-term relationship (even if it means splitting your assets and all that crap). It could be so many things, the best part you get to fill in the blanks.

I could probably go on forever.

However at the end of the day, it’s all about how you feel about life and surely Limbo Land will or is not making you a happy camper.

Look at little farther and make it your motto to never allow circumstances that are under your control to take control but in the wrong way.  Even if it means leaving our comfortable, but very expensive living accommodations in our beloved Limbo land. Visit your front desk and check-out out of that luxurious resort known as “El Limbo Resort” and check in to a small but nice hotel that suits your needs (every now and then its great to be selfish) and forget about what you are supposed to do.

It will my dear friends be just fine, and remember never ever stop believing in yourself and the good of just being alive.




The Joys of the MidLife Roller Coaster Ride

As time comes and goes we become hopeless in many aspects of our lives.

We see years that have passed as huge boulders lying on our shoulders.  They become restrictions that others or ourselves place within our mind frame or life.

Does it have to be this way?

NO, NO, and, another BIG NO!!!!!!!

Mid life is one of the greatest if not, the best time of our lives.  We have so much to do and to see, with just a hint of the huge worry we bore on ourselves in our child rearing years.

One of the first things we need to do is let go.  We have to let our children lead into the world and find their own path.  For me this sometimes proves difficult being an overprotective mom, but there comes a time when no longer we can hang on to them as safety blankets.  Talking from my experience, it’s harder because you need to give yourself a hard look about the “what am I going to do know” issue.

via morgueFile

We live in a youth oriented culture.  People searching aggressively to get the elixir of the eternal youth fountain, they’ll do anything and everything to recapture their youth as those forties and fifties come rolling in. Is it worth it?  NO again!

Our youth is a long distance memory, that’s why we idealize it and want it back.  Our mind has probably shut down all the pain that comes with being young.  Many of us didn’t know who we were or where we were going in fact.  We were in a path of discovery in all aspects of our lives.  Questions and uncertainly plagued us every day and we weren’t sure where are lives were heading.  To top it all, don’t forget our relationships.  We didn’t have a clue if our High School or college sweetheart would be the one.  We weren’t even sure if we would be lucky enough to find him or her.

Coming fast forward, in our late forties and fifties we know where  we stand or at least should know by now.

We already know what happened with our youth sweethearts and even what happened with the nefarious “the one” along the way.  We are strong and capable of knowing who we are and where we want to go.  Don’t let others put you down.   Life is incredible at this age if you don’t let others tell you how to live and move forward in a stage that should be much more better than anything else you’ve lived.

Now a days my fountain of eternal youth comes by just looking at my mom.  She’s  vibrant and gorgeous looking and when  I look at  her in her magnificent seventy-four, I kick myself and think,

“Wow, if Mom is looking that great I have so much to look forward too.”

Now for all the cry-babies out there if this is not true and you have a terrible looking mom, do your best to make sure you become a great looking mom to encourage your own children as they come along midlife.

Let’s embrace opportunity and life and recapture not our youth, but what we are today.  Why think about how things were or how we were, but rejoice in what we are today.

This is time for new careers (hopefully the ones we dreamed about but, couldn’t pursue), new ways of thinking about money, sex, spirituality and everything that surrounds us.  Call me crazy, but I’m enrolling in graduate school this next fall and I’m thrilled about it.

For instance, take a long look at your significant other (new or old) and get to know him or her all over again.  Let passion grow in another dimension, let go of your preconceptions and enjoy everything they have to offer.  You’ll be REAL surprised where this will take you!!  I assure you that the thrill is much more than a roller coaster ride.

Use the same equation for the rest of the things you want to reconsider and you’re up to making some changes that will put butterflies in your stomach (as in excitement and thrill) as you face new experiences.

This time in our lives is about being true to ourselves, getting everything out of the box, learning to change and accept is just the first step.

So my dear friends hop on midlife like it was one of the best rides of your life and enjoy the ride because that it was life is all about.







Myasthenia Gravis

Keeping Our Lives in Check: Easy or Hard?

It’s nothing new that our life is made up of many elements that keep us in balance.

When any of those  elements gets messed up, your life does as well.

A large part of our life is being healthy.  Usually people don’t give their health a second thought until something disrupts it. I should know because I was one of them.  People take health for granted and go on with their lives jumping here and there without anything really bothering them then the normal nuisances healthy people usually have.

via morgueFile

Does this make me a bit bitter?  Maybe.

It bothers me a bit more perhaps because I did the same blasted thing.  Being healthy was never my number one priority and it dawns at me now and then. However, the truth is that even if I would have been oriented towards a healthy lifestyle my illness would have appeared none the less.

One of the things I hate the most of having Myasthenia Gravis is that my life is put upside down in a split second.  A small thing can escalate and everything I’ve accomplished goes down hill.   It’s frustrating and above all it leaves you feeling vulnerable and weak.

I could have been one of the lucky people who got out of the hospital after receiving Immunoglobulin for five days and just be fine.  But, it’s not gonna happen!!! I’m one of the few that gets a headache from hell, a throbbing pain each time I move I want to screm.

What can I do about it?????

The answer is quite simple, NOTHING!!!

What probably makes things worse is that you depend on others.  Personally I hate depending on others for life’s basics.  Each time this happens you lose something inside you.  Many would tell me,

“Oh, you’re so blessed you have a family that loves and takes care of you.” patronizing me a bit as they say it.

Another one they throw at me, all the time,

“You have to take care of yourself.”  as if they were experts on Myasthenia.

As if they only knew that nothing I can do can prevent whatever exacerbation I may experience.  I fight against an impossible enemy, my immune system takes life by itself and can act up or down at its own will.

Nevertheless, I am grateful for my spouse, daughter, sons and my parents.

That I’d prefer not putting them through all this crap, YES.  They are also left feeling insecure and unsettled because after eight years they already know the ropes.  Except for my parents that I tend to leave them in the dark unless I end up needing their care.

They get really upset and it’s not fair for them.  I’ll rather protect them every other day.

Going back to the balance in our lives, the great thing about it is that we can shift all the things that keep us in balance and make it new.  Shifting things around till they make sense.

We can’t control most of the elements that keep us in check, but sure can control how we feel about them and rearrange them at our will.

At least, we can take back some of the good in our lives and make the best we can out of it.

Sometimes our circumstances change and nothing we can do is going to prevent that, but we can try to cope with what we have.  Even if I’m feeling lousy and sick as a dog, I’m going to have to repeat my mantra,

“Things are going to get better.”

Even if it bothers the hell out of me that I no longer am as healthy as everybody else around me. I’ll have to suck it up and make the best of it.

Even if I hate feeling vulnerable and dependent, I’ll have to accept graciously my blessings because some of us don’t have anyone to help them even if they can’t take care of themselves.

via morgueFile

So you see my dear friends, life has its potholes.  The good thing about these is that they are easily repaired leaving the roads once again smooth to ride.  It’s all about waiting for the crew to make things better, because ultimately that’s what life is all about.