Life · Uncategorized

The Miracle of Healing

Dear readers,  I take my life one day at a time because just dealing with today is hard enough.

Our routines and so much more have a direct impact on those who surround and love us deeply. They live through our ups and downs, sometimes voicing their feelings and other times just remaining silent.  It’s hard on us and  for them as well.

As I sorted my daughter’s things trying to organize her room I stumbled upon  a prayer she wrote during the Summer while I was trying to recover after receiving treatment in the Hospital.  Her prayer was issued in a secluded place between God and her, and even though it was not intended to be shared with anyone, today I share it with all of those who are caregivers of those they love, let the miracle of healing begin within us all.

Photo credit Stephanie Quintana Union Theological Seminary NY. NY

“I heard once that prayer is about redefining our desires,  it is about being open to ask for guidance,  and even though we do not control our journey that does not mean we are astray.

Today I pray open to hear, even when that fills me with fear.  

Dear Gracious God, I am not praying to give excuses or explain my silence.  Whom I am trying to fool? My silence is yet nothing more than silent panic. 

You know that.

I pray for longer walks, for less tiredness. 

I pray for more smiles and restfulness of spirit.

I pray that the spirit might comfort the body.

I pray for shorter naps and more energy.

I pray for coffee @3 pm between shared stories. 

I pray for our usual complicity to remain intact in times of sickness. 

I pray for our unspoken bond to grow stronger in the face of weakness.

I pray that we can share prayers.

I pray that her body can gain strength while her spirit stands strong. 

For now, I pray that she can rest knowing that we will do our best holding her so she does not fall.




I’ve never thought that love should be begged or conditioned.

Love is love.

We love despite distance or circumstances, which is a ball park away from begging or placing conditions, like “this will work only, if……” .  You are more than welcome to fill in the blanks because I know at some point in our lives all of us encounter the “ifs and “if not’s” with the people who surround us.


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Probably one of the best examples is the love a child receives from his  or her parents.  They love him or her despite anything and everything. They bestow all they have upon that tiny life that comes from them. However, this doesn’t mean that we can’t achieve this same purity in a meaningful relationship with another person.

It could be a friend, a sibling, a pet, a significant other.  Someone who will be right by your side through and through.  When the winds of life  blow strong and relentless destroying everything that surrounds you, you know deep inside that things will turn out right and if not,  you’ll have someone to hold  (or lick) you as your sorrow takes over.

People in our lives come and go, but some stay for the long run.  These relationships are built afar or close by.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen each other every day since you met, or if you reunite with them through out periods of time.  It’s always going to feel right. It’s a sensation of coming home.

True love withstands the test of time without shame or insecurity.  It commands only one thing, giving all you have without holding back who  you are or will be.

Acceptance is the key of any form of love, however the most challenging.

It becomes challenging specially when a parent has to accept different dimensions of an offspring as they grow older.  Young adults often lack in the maturity of being able to see things from an older person’s point of view because their scope in life is limited by their age or circumstances.  Nevertheless, many parents will accept their choices out of love for them.

Even if they have to collect their scattered hearts and tell them, “You know what, you can come home any moment you want.”,  and  help them get on their feet as if they were teaching them to take small steps as they learned to walk.

This same challenge remains in all other forms of love as well.  However, these same challenges will become pillars in any form of relationship making them stronger as they sustain the test of time.

So, my dear friends never doubt for a second in giving or receiving not any type of love, but the purity of a love that comes within the spring waters of our core. Love heals never destroys and believe it’s hard coming upon it in life, so when you do, don’t let the opportunity of grasping that special moment pass by.

And don’t forget to never take more than you give in this amazing circle of life we all get to live in for just a moment in eternity.

See you around the corner.




When Home Becomes Hell

As almost everyone else I’ve read about the Rice family  domestic violence issues. I didn’t want to watch the video because it would bring back awful memories that make me hate scenes with aggression or violence.  Memories blurred by time and the defenses children erect so things hurt a little less.

I’ve chosen the word family because all of this isn’t only about a man and a woman, but there is a child lurking in the back seat of this melodrama.

Right now she is blessed because she’s young enough not to know exactly what’s happening, but as time passes she will learn to deal with the violent home she will be raised in.  She will learn how a woman is suppose to behave, what makes her father angry, when to talk, when to remain silent,  and the most terrible of all she will learn to cry on the inside.

She will carry out tears of frustration and years of violence into her own relationships and world.

Men and women who are brought up in these types of family begin life with the wrong foot.  It takes time, effort, and love from someone other than mom and dad to help them move on.  Out of that love (if he or she gets fortunate) they may end up feeling compassion, tenderness and wanting all the things they didn’t have growing up.

I should know because I was a child that was brought up in one of many families with these issues.

My parents had a vicious relationship, they were both angry, frustrated and I could probably go on forever.  However the bottom line is, that they didn’t get out of it.  After more than  fifty years together things have certainly calmed down, but there is always a hint of aggressiveness where they are concerned.

But I’m not going to really talk about my parents or the Rice marriage, or of abused wives or women.  I would like to discuss the real victims here, children!

Many of them are scared, embarrassed and don’t even know why such horrific things are happening.  Worst of all, many think that’s how things are supposed to be.  In other words, it’s the norm.

One of my early memories in my childhood is listening to my brother (then in Kinder) asking my mom ,  “Why did dad leave?” Not in a calm voice, but wailing as only a five-year old is capable of.

He had come home from school and my dad had left.

Thank God for that, we had a couple of years of solace.   My mom took him back when we were in 5th and 4th respectively and from there on it was literally hell.

I pleaded her many times, to divorce him.  She never listened, and after some time I just didn’t care anymore, it was about  living one day at a time.

However,  I learned an important lesson, I would never be like my mom or my dad.

We were a torn and damaged family and stay as such today.  We tiptoe around each other because habit is the darndest thing.   You know I’ve never spoken to my brother about this and basically with nobody else, except my husband.!

I hesitated a bit to publish this on my personal blog because I felt vulnerable and I felt that in some twisted way I was breaking the code of silence that surrounds our type of families, but after all I thought, -What the hell! It’s time we begin to stop being invisible and find our voices to denounce and try to heal not only ourselves but all who are involved one way or the other.

I married my best friend, someone who would love and cherish me and I was lucky enough to land some passion along the way.

My children don’t have an idea that their beloved grandfather was the worst husband or father.  Through the love I learned elsewhere I also learned to be compassionate and have tried to understand the reasons he might have had to being such an abusive and aggressive man.  Giving him on the way a second chance by letting him be a loving grandfather.

The cruelest thing is that my mom never divorced him because of us.

Guilt assailed me many years, just thinking about all she endured because she wanted us to be a family, but I’ve learned to put that behind because nothing or nobody can erase time.  Life is life and those were our set of circumstances and nothing would alter that.

This discussion will go around for some time, probably as long as Robin Williams’ demise when everyone blogged about depression and all that.  However, even if it buzzes down  there will be many homes in America living their own personal hell,  for Heaven knows, how much time.

My only hope is that these children as myself did,  find people who love and nurture them to end the cycle of violence.

You would think healing is impossible, but it isn’t.  Even though children caught in this terrible tangle become casualties, healing is possible.  How? A great question, I really don’t know how to answer.  But truth to be told, I hold no grudges against my father and as time passed and we grew older my dad stopped his abusive behaviour it took many years, but he did it.  Does he feel remorse?  Who knows, it’s never been out in the open.

So you see, “mis queridos amigos” its all about perspective.  If anyone really wants to focus on the resolution of all this, where they need to be looking is in the eyes of the children who witness it every day of their tender years as they grow up learning from mommy and daddy the wrong things and they desperately need someone who can teach them the way things are supposed to be.

See you around the corner, and always have hope that help is on its way if we let ourselves open to the possibility of believing.

Myasthenia Gravis

Keeping Our Lives in Check: Easy or Hard?

It’s nothing new that our life is made up of many elements that keep us in balance.

When any of those  elements gets messed up, your life does as well.

A large part of our life is being healthy.  Usually people don’t give their health a second thought until something disrupts it. I should know because I was one of them.  People take health for granted and go on with their lives jumping here and there without anything really bothering them then the normal nuisances healthy people usually have.

via morgueFile

Does this make me a bit bitter?  Maybe.

It bothers me a bit more perhaps because I did the same blasted thing.  Being healthy was never my number one priority and it dawns at me now and then. However, the truth is that even if I would have been oriented towards a healthy lifestyle my illness would have appeared none the less.

One of the things I hate the most of having Myasthenia Gravis is that my life is put upside down in a split second.  A small thing can escalate and everything I’ve accomplished goes down hill.   It’s frustrating and above all it leaves you feeling vulnerable and weak.

I could have been one of the lucky people who got out of the hospital after receiving Immunoglobulin for five days and just be fine.  But, it’s not gonna happen!!! I’m one of the few that gets a headache from hell, a throbbing pain each time I move I want to screm.

What can I do about it?????

The answer is quite simple, NOTHING!!!

What probably makes things worse is that you depend on others.  Personally I hate depending on others for life’s basics.  Each time this happens you lose something inside you.  Many would tell me,

“Oh, you’re so blessed you have a family that loves and takes care of you.” patronizing me a bit as they say it.

Another one they throw at me, all the time,

“You have to take care of yourself.”  as if they were experts on Myasthenia.

As if they only knew that nothing I can do can prevent whatever exacerbation I may experience.  I fight against an impossible enemy, my immune system takes life by itself and can act up or down at its own will.

Nevertheless, I am grateful for my spouse, daughter, sons and my parents.

That I’d prefer not putting them through all this crap, YES.  They are also left feeling insecure and unsettled because after eight years they already know the ropes.  Except for my parents that I tend to leave them in the dark unless I end up needing their care.

They get really upset and it’s not fair for them.  I’ll rather protect them every other day.

Going back to the balance in our lives, the great thing about it is that we can shift all the things that keep us in balance and make it new.  Shifting things around till they make sense.

We can’t control most of the elements that keep us in check, but sure can control how we feel about them and rearrange them at our will.

At least, we can take back some of the good in our lives and make the best we can out of it.

Sometimes our circumstances change and nothing we can do is going to prevent that, but we can try to cope with what we have.  Even if I’m feeling lousy and sick as a dog, I’m going to have to repeat my mantra,

“Things are going to get better.”

Even if it bothers the hell out of me that I no longer am as healthy as everybody else around me. I’ll have to suck it up and make the best of it.

Even if I hate feeling vulnerable and dependent, I’ll have to accept graciously my blessings because some of us don’t have anyone to help them even if they can’t take care of themselves.

via morgueFile

So you see my dear friends, life has its potholes.  The good thing about these is that they are easily repaired leaving the roads once again smooth to ride.  It’s all about waiting for the crew to make things better, because ultimately that’s what life is all about.


The Power of a Man’s Healing Hands

Like every year on Easter Sunday morning I went to church.

The white mantle was on our empty cross as a symbol of Jesus’ Resurrection.

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No longer was Christ crucified but, in the presence of our Heavenly Father.

His time on the face of Earth had passed, he no longer would be among humans to heal not only their bodies, but their souls.

Jesus was a healer.  He repaired and restored the lives of others changing them along the way.

As a man he lived on principle and died due to those same principles.  His message was filled with compassion, love, social justice and among everything else diversity.  His words were those of an open mind and heart.

If I wouldn’t believe this, I wouldn’t even bother to visit a church.

However I ask myself, where exactly have some of us taken a U-turn and changed all of his teachings into hatred for those who do not share our own views or beliefs.  Just as an example, why do we need to attack those who proclaim that they are atheists?  Don’t you think Jesus would have spoken to them, listened carefully trying to get through to them, and just making them think about what they believe in?

Are atheists are enemies?

Bill Gates is a proclaimed atheist, one of the richest man on this planet, but has one of the most generous souls I have ever heard of.  He’s donated over 70 million dollars to charity.  He’s made a difference in the lives of many, taking social justice to another level.

Are homosexuals are enemies?

Being a heterosexual or homosexual is all about sexual preferences.  Some of us are honest to the core and just admit what they want or don’t want.  I’m not sure we really need to become judges on this particular point, we just need to accept people for who they are, not how they like to do things in a sexual perspective.

Did Jesus proclaim us judges of character of others?  I don’t think so, we should take a look at ourselves before we begin throwing rocks at others.  Didn’t Jesus teach us this lesson, when he extended his healing hands to others no matter what they did or didn’t do.

When did we stop emulating Jesus as healers and become destroyers?

Where is our compassion?

Why cant the Easter message be one of love and kindness to one another?

Why are we nauseated just thinking in diversity?

Today we joked as we had lunch and one of my sons told me,

“Mom if Satan really exists, he’s probably incarnated in those who are full of hatred towards anyone who is different even if they have a cross and a bible in their hands.”

When is it going to stop?

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Probably the day we stand strong and say, STOP!

Stop talking about hatred,

Stop being narrow-minded,

Stop speaking about non-acceptance to others,

Stop making fun of others because they are different,

and above anything else just stop using Jesus’ teaching to attack others.

So my dear friends, just raise your voice and stop hatred! Let us embrace our faith through our Lord’s true perspective.  One of love, compassion and kindness and maybe then we can also become the healers of the broken society that surrounds us making a difference in our world.