Have I been worthy?

I’ve always kept journals.

When technology wasn’t what it is today, I wrote in small notebooks.

Once in a while I like to read what I’ve written so many years behind and bring the people or the things that were happening to me during that moment up to date.

One of those special events in my life, are by the far most “birthdays”.


I love birthdays, it’s like celebrating New Year’s Day all over again.

It’s not about if you’re fat, skinny, bald, or what ever pains you, related with how you look (don’t get me wrong everyone wants to feel and look great), however I like to think it’s a bit more than that.

Today not only my family, but those who know us celebrate my husband’s birthday with great joy.  More so because he almost didn’t make it past his late twenties.

He had a failing liver and was diagnosed with cirrhosis when he was twenty-five. However, that’s another story to tell.

The point is with each birthday we not only celebrate his new year, but the blessing of life.

Health, love, friendship and life, “mis amigos” are things many of us take for granted.

He has worried over the years  and an ever present question has nagged him  with each coming birthday,

“Have I been worthy?”

Most of the time, I don’t even answer right away because I know part of his question is rhetorical and my opinion would be that,  “Absolutely, he has been more than worthy.”

However, I’ve always thought,

“Worthy of what?”

Well, it seems he’s been asking me all these years, if he has been worthy of living.

Going back to my life records (Journals),

I’ve lived times where I would have wanted to kill him,

others where I have loved him all over again,

others where I was more than grateful to have him in my life as he cared for me when I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis,

others where I have seen him as a loving parent, treasuring each moment along the way,

others becoming a caring son for an ailing father taking it to another level as he  ironed the clothes in which his Dad would be put down to rest, and

now caring for his Mom with everything he’s got in him, what can I say?

All of this couldn’t have happened because he wasn’t suppose to make it to his 28th birthday, and

Today twenty years later, in the warm circle of family and friends he can surely feel that he has been more than worthy to have gotten a second chance at what we call life.

So, you see my dear friends once in a while life throws us a curve ball and we get lucky enough to catch it.


Are you out of your mind, I just can’t have fun right now!!!!!!

As we grow old our childhood memories fade away.  We need to make an effort just to trigger our minds to come up with some memories.  Why?

Probably because we stop having time just to have fun.  Childhood and fun are two words that just seem right together. You can’t think of one without the other.   We do make us some good excuses using our friend or foe,  Time,  to back us up.  Personally, I use it to justify myself when I don’t want to deal with something or someone.  I love the statement,

-“I just don’t have the time.”   With the added  hand gestures, and the frown I throw in for free.  My life is complicated right now, what are you saying about having fun????  Are you out of your mind??????

No matter the circumstances in any child’s life, they always find time to have fun.   As a matter of fact, we (as children) also had plenty of  time to have fun.

Coming back to our own childhoods, the other day when my parent’s neighbor passed away, I thought about how it was while I was growing up.  I remembered playing a game we called “palo libre” which was running around and hiding and making it to a tree and touching it while avoiding someone who was there trying to touch you before you were able to touch the tree itself.   It was absolutely super fun, more so if you were playing with a herd of wild crazy kids like yourself.

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Where are all of them today?

We’ve grown apart throughout the years, forgotten shared memories and just let ourselves become adults.  Don’t get me wrong everyone needs to grow up, the thing is that we can do it without losing the simple joys of life.

How can we once again enjoy the simple pleasures in life?  Is it doable?  Can we go back to when having fun was something to do on our To Do List.

Right now, I’m kicking my brains to come up with a way, and my thoughts are empty.

If I would be getting a head CT scan right now, probably the technician would say in shock, “Where did it go?”.  (Referring to my brains.)

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It’s probably because I’m trying to come up with general ideas of regaining our childhood joy.   You can’t go general with this type of thing, you need to go specific.  Which means that I need to think about ways I personally can regain my childhood joy!

Which translates in, everyone has to come up with their own ways.

My own childhood joy maybe would sparkle up my life if I would be;

  • silly,
  • laugh at myself once in a while,
  • make up stories in my head,
  • joke around,
  • run just because I want to not because I need to stay fit,
  • jump out of joy when someone or something makes me happy,
  • laugh out loud even if it’s not proper,
  • share the better side of people (I always use to do this as I child), and
  • look at life with clean eyes (the hardest part, we become so distant from our inner child just be reading the news.)

I will be trying these out myself during the next couple of days.  I’ll begin with smiling instead of frowning and finish it off with some shared laughs with anyone who wants to share a joke with me. I’ll even try relax instead of being so stiff all the time, you never know I may like it so much, I’ll end up being relaxed all the time and  recapture some of my childhood happiness.

I looked at things differently back then, even though my childhood was less than idyllic.

What about you?  What are you willing to do to recapture your inner child and have a little bit of pure fun?