Tiptoeing Around Cancer

Moving around quietly around someone we love that suffers from this terrible disease is heart breaking.

Each time my mother in law tells me to do something or I have to deal with my father in law It’s hard for me to look at him, don’t even talk about looking at him straight at the eye. It’s hard dealing with the reality of all the changes that have gone on with him not only physically, but emotionally.

Up to this point, I’ve lost my ability to talk to him.

I can’t get over the fact on how different things are.  To be honest I’ve sometimes wished he no longer has his thoughts straight because maybe if he would be oblivious of what was happening around him he would suffer less.

I can’t help myself fuss quietly around him.  Checking on him or doing whatever I need to do.

Sometimes I wonder what’s going on in his mind?

The other night as my brother in law, my son and me drove him to the hospital to get admitted ONCE again,  there was fog all around the place, and my son tried to make conversation about the fog (which I instantly felled appalled because I hardly speak at all),  he commented,

“They are to many to be clouds…”

I answered, “that it was fog…”

To my surprise he made a “boooooooo” sound with his very weak voice.  He was trying to be funny!

I had even stopped kissing him, that night when I said my goodbyes I was damn sure to give him a warm kiss on his head and told him I would be back on Wednesday.

My son taught me a lesson that night, tiptoeing around cancer isn’t such a good idea because we’re losing precious moments that will be treasured forever.

So you see “mis queridos amigos”, we need to get over ourselves just once in a while.

Hasta pronto!



The Miracle of Change

Listening to what we don’t want to hear is hard.

A couple of years ago I held a strong grudge against an old friend and just would not let it go.  My oldest son gave me a reality check on how things had gone and why he thought that we both acted against our friendship. We ventured together on a business with different perspectives and never talked about it openly.  Bottom line, I lost a dear friend and have carried the guilt of it through out the years.

Over the years many of us get stuck in our own ways.  I would love to emphasize the word “stuck” because it means there is no way we’re moving.  Stuck as in “quicksand” stuck !  We are up to our knees in it, meaning that change is not an option.

via morgueFile

One of my greatest challenges has been  learning  to listen to my daughter over the years,  even though sometimes it’s gone wrong and we’ve end up bickering and mad at each other.  Yet we overcome our anger and begin our conversations all over again.  It doesn’t matter if we do fight sometimes over things we don’t agree on, but we keep on working on it.  The important part is that we listen and try to understand each other.

I consider change to be a miracle because of its  cause and effect relationship.  Let us say for example if we change our perspectives on things like: homosexuality, we become more tolerant with those that surround us; the homeless, we become proactive in helping them overcome this way of life; and on drug addiction, we may find ways of helping them overcome their addiction.

“The miracle of change lives in all of us, we just to have to discover it.”

This amazing world we live on is always moving, changing, in constant evolution, and I ask myself, why can’t we be the same?   I know for a fact that it can be hard because I myself am as stubborn as a mule.  Nevertheless, I’m sure that after we take time to listen to the many voices that surround our lives we will be heading towards the right direction, the direction of change.

The same direction that will bring small miracles through our journey through life, that same direction will substitute the what ifs and make them only hows.  Instead of  handling it down to others,  we will begin saying how can I make that happen not only for me, but also for others.

Let’s embrace change as part of our core self  because when everything has been said and done, we’ll finally understand  that’s what living is all about!