Marriage

Knowing Love is Enough

So many circumstances can lead a match made in heaven to imminent disaster when life’s circumstances take a toll on the relationship.

We’ve seen over and over how happily married couples can become distant and eventually the inevitable infidelity comes around the corner among so many other things as well.

Sometimes love just isn’t enough to make a couple stay  and move together towards the future.  The saddest part is that they choose to ignore all the signs along the way that were signaling for a stop. One that could have helped them mend whatever it was that needed mending.

When two people marry out of love their hearts and minds join (if only for the duration of the ceremony) with happiness, a sense of fulfillment and faith as they face their future together.

Sometimes their bliss doesn’t even make it pass their honeymoon, and we need to ask ourselves, why?

With increasing divorce statistics our younger generations are viewing marriage as a risk and asses it as one.

What can we do to restore people’s faith in marriage?  One of the things we can try is to customize our idea on love.  Let’s make it up, close and personal and we may discover it works better for us.

For some love are moments along the married life where happiness, passion, friendship or even convenience are found in bits.  In other words, love has many phases and meanings, it’s an individual thing.

For me love is being in peace with myself and my husband and settling in bed when the day is over, knowing we can face anything as long as we’re together.

Yet things aren’t so simple, in married life not only do we deal with affection, love, emotions, trust and so many more. Whereas we can’t forget about the other side of the coin, sex, wanting and sometimes just sheer lust. Who said you can’t feel pure, simple, and honest lust for your husband or wife?

Some face marriage as it was a mirage, when they look at it from afar they see castles and fairy tales, but when they come closer all they find is emptiness and sorrow. That’s why precisely we need to face marriage with an open and honest approach. Knowing beforehand what WE want out of it, so it is tailored for us.

Marriage is dynamic, it’s always changing, basically because we do too.  That’s the great thing about life, our experiences shape who we become each day and that affects our relationships as well.

Let’s face it as months become years, and years become decades, and decades become a life long relation, “until death do us apart” can and will become a very loooooong time.  Hence, we need to make sure that love has to be enough to keep us together.

But not any type of love my dear friends, it has to be the right one for each couple to move on together, if not sadly it will never be enough.

Marriage

Are children the casualties of broken relationships?

I’ve heard many times over the years that children are the innocent victims of divorce.

This can be avoided if both parents take time to talk to their children and put their animosity aside for just a moment.  It’s important to remember that children have nothing to do with the divorce.  You know how basically everything is written out For Dummies, well divorce also has a slot there.

For Dummies presents a series of simple suggestions that you could of come up with by yourself, but maybe are to overwhelmed to think about.

via Google Images

As adults we are teaching our children how to deal and face problems in life.  In many occasions children act with more maturity than their parents.

Well, you can be thinking, “What makes you an expert on divorce, you are married?”.

Yes, this is true but years dealing with children coming from broken relationships maybe has rubbed some experience on me.  Keep in mind that children don’t understand many of the problems their parents may have.

via Google Images

We automatically think about small children, but even young adults facing their parents divorce can act up in a way that shows their disapproval.  For instance, some time ago I was discussing with my 22-year-old son a recent breakup in our family and he told me,

“If you and Dad get divorced I would move out by myself.  I wouldn’t live with you or with him.”  In other words, he would not want to deal with anything related to our imaginary divorce.

Small children and adolescents don’t have this choice.   So, it’s very important that parents are open and cooperative with one another.

If you did indeed begin your divorce with the wrong foot it’s never to late to make amends.  You can repair the damage you’ve done talking honestly and openly about everything that’s happening.

Coming myself from a dysfunctional family I would have preferred my parents would have gotten a divorce and not stayed married throughout the years because my brother and myself became a casualty of a broken relationship that stayed together.  Which is by far worse than filing for a divorce!

If you are considering a divorce, be very careful with how and what you do because children don’t have to be a broken relationship’s casualty.

 

via Google Images

 

 

Uncategorized

When Love Doesn’t Make The Cut

Marriage is a dying enterprise these days, it’s so bad we can probably say it’s an archaic and has fallen in disuse. It’s not what it used to be is an understatement!

Young people when faced with solo the idea, rush to break a very loud sound  as they say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Marriage has become the appetizer no one wants to eat, the one that is constantly passed around during the party and gets  the  “No, thank”  so many times,  it’s not even  funny.

Why?

Probably because those who have engaged in it have broken it so often (Check out the alarming divorce rates.) that people simply have lost their faith in marriage.  This institution no longer is what is used to be (No kidding!).   Maybe in the past people would marry out of love and when the initial gloss of it would wear off,  they had the guts to stick through it.  Nobody said that marriage was or ever has been perfect because it is NOT.  It’s difficult to live through and basically it’s a humongous pain in the butt.  Yet, I wouldn’t change my marriage for nothing in this world.

via morgueFile

I’ve stayed married for 28 and counting.  Even though I’ve given my own children a great example (my husband and myself are still sick in love with each other).  They tremble at the idea of getting married.

Why?

Basically because of the level of commitment it requires, or they say.

But enough of the appetizers and let’s move on the main course, when love doesn’t make the cut.  Making the cut is an expression of quality control because it ensures that the product passes all the inspections to become prime quality.  Love nowadays doesn’t make the cut because (at least this is my opinion) it flunks at the quality level.  It doesn’t pass the tests that would make it durable and prime quality.  Those tests are basically the events that go on during our lives.

Each negative event has an impact on how we live as well as on our relationships.  Nobody gets upset when they get a raise, or when they get up for promotion, or when they have money saved in the bank, or when they have enough food in the pantry or refrigerator, or when their bills are paid or when they………..etc. etc. etc. etc. etc…..  Please, feel free to fill in the blanks here, people!

Seeing it from the other side around,  staying in love and married under economic hardship is almost impossible if you don’t work things out.   I’m not really saying anything new because one of the causes for the soaring numbers on divorce is due to economic hardship.

Economic hardship, illness or whatever your negative events a/k/a quality control of your relationship is, is your own business.  Wait!  No it’s not your own business because marriage isn’t about one, but two people, so it’ pertains both of you.   That’s the first step where we go wrong, we go over the bad things alone, we need to do it together (or at least that’s what I do) and believe me some serious shit has happened to us.  Talking things over when the time is right is a key element.  Now please note the disclosure here “when the time is right”.  Some of us out there want to talk to soon, we need to give ourselves a break and then come together to talk.  I hate talking about things right away and my husband has learned to wait.  How can I talk to him about an important issue (changes we have to make or anything related) when I haven’t had time to think about it?  That for starters have helped us.

My husband has carried a picture of our wedding day in his wallet ever since we married.
My husband has carried a picture of our wedding day in his wallet ever since we married.

 

Also, when times had gotten tough, and our bills have been unpaid basically because we don’t have the money (raising a family of six isn’t easy) due to whatever, we make a plan together and play through it to get to the other side.  My husband always says to me “As long as we’re together we’ll be fine.”.  That has been one of our foundations, all of us have difficult times and it stinks to have to live through them alone, it’s so much better when we have someone to hug and find comfort in.

Recently I heard the craziest reason a person had to end a relationship, the dishes!  So, it can really be anything that can break up a marriage.

Each and every time we have converted one of these bad events into something we have survived through together our marriage has become stronger.

Why do you think people who are married sleep together (and no it’s not about the sex)?  It’s because during that very private time when the day is coming to an end (where you can put your mind to rest, even if it’s for a little while)  you get to go to bed with that one person in the world who chose you and you chose him, who is  unconditional,  and wants to be with you no matter what!  Each and every time this happens,  love has and will make the cut.

In a society where we are in dire need of change, our first step should be towards the family unit and  it can’t survive if our marriages don’t.   So, for those of you who are still married and want to give it a try, find whatever works for you.  Don’t give up  on marriage because nobody said it would be easy!   Love does exist all we need to do is give it a chance, believe,  and maybe it’ll make the cut.