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Some time ago a stray cat made its way to my house.  As a matter of fact, I refuse to feed strays because that would make them linger, but my dear husband usually deaf to my instructions went on to feed her in our garage.

Which makes me a horrible person.

Not to my surprise the stray stayed on and to make matters even worse got herself pregnant.

By that same time, my sister-in-law asked me if I wanted a puppy she was giving away. Her puppy was a mixed breed of Pitbull and a big fat question mark (unknown daddy).

I was hesitant to adopt the puppy because of its genes, or so I told myself.  Pitbulls have a bad rap to them, so my thoughts went back and forth trying to figure out what to say, yet remaining nice enough to communicate my negative with a smile on my face.  I didn’t want to rearrange my routine because of a puppy.

The thing is my dear friends, that my youngest son was admitted for the master’s program he wanted and my sister-in-law was lucky enough to talk to me straight away we heard the great news, which lead to me saying YES to my new adopted puppy and naming him after the school where he was to begin studying in January.  My euphoria lead me to welcome Albizu as  the newest member of our home.

In the meantime my stray cat had her kittens and by that time her complete family of six were getting on my nerves.  They took over my garage and littered it in the process.  It was so bad that I refused to even go get my car and someone (namely my husband) would have to valet it for me on a daily basis.

So, he began his campaign to give away the kittens and made me a happy camper, but one was left and as my cousin came over to visit with her kids, an idea came creeping in my head as to having them take the unwanted kitten to a nearby sports facility where kids usually play basketball and people gather once in a while.  Her timing was perfect because my husband and my boys were away enjoying a movie at an afternoon matinee.

What could be wrong with that?

I followed through and the plan that was already drawn in my head was executed.

The last kitten was shipped to what would become her new home (which by the way was a total fantasy).  She was motherless and her siblings were far gone from where she would have to learn to survive.

As I fetched her, Albizu watched with lazy eyes from the comfort of his house without a care in the world.  From the day he came, he has been loved regardless of his genes because I let him into my heart.  Whereas those dreadful cats weren’t even given a chance because I basically refused to let them in.

Have you ever heard that,  no crime is perfect?  I’m not even kidding about the crime part, I did actually break the law about leaving animals to their own devices.  I’m not sure the statue of it because literally the cat wasn’t mine.

Well to my surprise, my plan backfired when one of my sons decided to go and play some ball with my cousin’s son (the same ones who helped me carry out my crime).  When he saw the kitten he flipped.

He came home mad as hell, and gave me a piece of his mind.  I felt the most horrible person on this planet and to make things worse I began thinking about the dreaded kitten to the point that I couldn’t sleep much last night and probably will try to fetch it back and try to find it a home.

The worst part is that I like to see myself as a compassionate person, and I’m not sure about that anymore.  I disappointed and caused him unnecessary grief, he’ll probably hold it against me until hell freezes over.

My compulsion to keep my things and life ordered, took me to the point where my compassion and tolerance to a kitten lead me to cut it out of my life without a second thought. It was something that was bothering me so I dealt with it.  However, I did it in a very wrong way.

As the Sun rises today and we celebrate Christmas Eve a time of giving and helping not only others, but nature’s creatures all around us the words he once told me resound bluntly in my head,

“Mom, men are dual beings, one same person can do great good and at the same time also be capable of great evil.”

So you see “mis queridos amigos”  he was describing me, myself and I.  What I did was horrible, but is already done. Like most things I’ll just have to deal with the remorse and learn a lesson along the way.  My own words haunt me today as I have to make myself believe in the good I have in myself and of what I can make of it in my world.

But hey, who said life or ourselves were perfect.  At the end, it’s all about our choices.

“Hasta la próxima.” and Merry Christmas.