Marital Status: Widow

I blogged frequently about cancer during the past several months.

Probably because it had become part of my day to day life and I often used my blog to let the steam out.

photo credit morguefile

My blog is about everything and anything. Some experts on the subject would probably agree my blog will never stand out in the gazillion out there in cyber-universe because I don’t direct my writing to a specific subject.

Which takes me to my next writing subject, embracing the marital status of a widow.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that this process was something so hard to embrace.  Maybe because I’m to practical about life.

Even though I’m not dealing with the loss of my husband, I’m experiencing it through the eyes of my mother in law.  Being so close to her, its inevitable that her experiences become mine and I’m not so sure I like what I’m seeing.

The loneliness, sorrow and heartbreak loosing someone you have lived with and loved for more than fifty years is heart breaking.

Yesterday was the first Valentine’s Day without him.  Without his attention to detail,  his freshly cut flower, his post card, his chocolates and above anything else without his love.

Today as we talked in the afternoon, she went to his picture and asked him, “Can you see me?, “Where are you?”.  She then came back and told me, “Do you think, he can see me?”.  I barely touched her shoulder and answered that I really didn’t have an answer to that.

I went on to give her my too well rehearsed pep talk.  Nevertheless, my thoughts were not even close to what my lips were saying.

How can someone pick up his or her life after losing someone so close?  Is it even possible?

He left, she stayed behind, but I’m not sure if she really is completely here.  A part of her left with him the night he passed away.  The hard part for me is to get that part back and try to teach her that now its her time to re-discover who she is and try to move forward finding joy anywhere she can until she masters her new marital status: a widow.

It’s so often that we classify ourselves, into:

–married

-single

-divorced

-widow

-widower

We are more than a check box, its difficult to believe that we don’t have one that says:

–human being

I’ve come to the conclusion that we have to learn early on in life that the day will come when we find ourselves alone once again.  It’s all about preparing and never taking anything for granted during our marriage or relationships.

Life “mis queridos amigos” is a circle and when the time comes some of us will inevitable leave and others will welcome life with a burst of joy in the cry of a new-born baby and nothing we can do will change this reality.