Moving around quietly around someone we love that suffers from this terrible disease is heart breaking.
Each time my mother in law tells me to do something or I have to deal with my father in law It’s hard for me to look at him, don’t even talk about looking at him straight at the eye. It’s hard dealing with the reality of all the changes that have gone on with him not only physically, but emotionally.
Up to this point, I’ve lost my ability to talk to him.
I can’t get over the fact on how different things are. To be honest I’ve sometimes wished he no longer has his thoughts straight because maybe if he would be oblivious of what was happening around him he would suffer less.
I can’t help myself fuss quietly around him. Checking on him or doing whatever I need to do.
Sometimes I wonder what’s going on in his mind?
The other night as my brother in law, my son and me drove him to the hospital to get admitted ONCE again, there was fog all around the place, and my son tried to make conversation about the fog (which I instantly felled appalled because I hardly speak at all), he commented,
“They are to many to be clouds…”
I answered, “that it was fog…”
To my surprise he made a “boooooooo” sound with his very weak voice. He was trying to be funny!
I had even stopped kissing him, that night when I said my goodbyes I was damn sure to give him a warm kiss on his head and told him I would be back on Wednesday.
My son taught me a lesson that night, tiptoeing around cancer isn’t such a good idea because we’re losing precious moments that will be treasured forever.
So you see “mis queridos amigos”, we need to get over ourselves just once in a while.