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Have you ever felt that you are trembling, but when you look at your hands they seem steady?

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Back in 2008 when I began my romance with a medication called Mestinon I would feel I was literally trembling, but when I looked at my hands they were steady.  My head felt as if I was visibly trembling, but when I would ask my husband he would tell me that I looked fine.


What the hell is wrong with me?

After some time I brought myself to ask my neurologist about my tremors.  I told him that I felt I was shaking from inside out, but nobody seemed to notice it except me.  I was beginning to think it was all inside my head.

Believe me when I say I had to round-up some courage.  My relationship with my neurologist was in its early stage and he really didn’t know me, so I didn’t want to sound WACKO!

His reaction was simple and straightforward.

“It’s a side effect of your meds, no need to worry about Parkinson.”

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The best part of his answer was that he voiced my fears without making me acknowledge them.

Today almost six years from that day, we have developed a doctor-patient relationship where I no longer fear to talk about what’s happening to me and he has always kept his same simple and direct style.

Probably, today I remember that day so clearly because these damn tremors are here and sometimes they hum in my head like a million bongos.  My meds are being adjusted once more, and when that happens my bongo buddies come rolling in like rock stars on  a concert.

Recently I’ve come across an ad about the face of Lupus and how patients sometimes put off telling their physicians how they feel, and to tell you the truth that’s darn sad.  We are so many that endure chronic illnesses in America and have to face the facts of coping with things, to on top of it all have to deal with all the mess about Obama Care.

Every one has an opinion about how it will be a life saver or a go to hell kind of thing, but each and every person I”ve heard is tied in one way or the other with politics.

And when you are suffering from a chronic illness the least you want to hear about is how politicians are literally tearing their heads off trying to win a battle of power.  Forget they are going to try to become advocates of some sort for our community.

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If all of us are capable of being empathic to one another on a compassionate and human way our problems in Congress would probably be over.  Congress doesn’t really care about the faces not only of Lupus, but of a huge range of people who as me suffer from chronic illnesses.

If they would live just for one day with my tremors or yours,  banging in their heads, they would be better rounded and best suited to govern a country that has enough hardship as it is.

If not ask anyone who has tried filing for a disability claim.

All of us face different tremors, it’s just about perspective.   I can successfully point mine towards my medicines, but what about you?  What causes your tremors?