, , , , , , ,

It may seem difficult for younger people to understand, but back in the day (18+ years ago) cellular phones weren’t as available or used as today. 

Now it seems almost impossible to get through life if you don’t have one of those smart phones.  Pagers were the mobiles back then.   I remember some people like doctors, salesmen, attorneys, etc., had them fixed on their belts.  If you saw a person with a pager, you figured out he or she must have an important job.

Much to our surprise after one of our medical appointments, our transplant coordinator gave us a pager.

Wow!!!! We had become the owners, if only temporary, of a pager.  (I marvel how my mind worked when I was young!)  I can still remember how it looked like, it was brown and beige and had a  big metal clip,  so Carlos could have it on always.  The coördinator went on to explain that if the pager went on, we needed to contact her immediately because he had a match.

via google images


“My God, this is it!”- That thought was bursting in my head, finally we’re almost there.  Instead of keeping my thoughts to myself like I would have done today, I voiced them out loud.  He took my words face value and believed me, if I was saying it, then it had to be true.  My words mislead him and set him up for frustration and heartbreak.


via morgueFile


As the days came and went, we weren’t listening to those much wanted beeps.  Sometimes he would tell me, if I thought maybe something had gone wrong with the pager.  I would always answer,  that I didn’t think so.  To tell you the truth, I even called once to check that everything was fine with it.  At this point, I wouldn’t have minded to become a soccer ball in a game to receive every player kick.  You can say I was delusional to think we were almost there.  

What I did see every day was the longing in his eyes for the “beep” to go on.

As it went, the pager was with us for a while, even though, we never got to hear those precious beeps.

via Google Images

Looking back today, my heart goes out to all those patients that are waiting, maybe not for a “beep”, but for a phone call on their mobile, a text, or an email.

We didn’t get our beep, nevertheless, we didn’t lose our faith even if it was a little bruised after our experience with the pager. I would pray every day for that damn pager to start beeping, but now I know it wasn’t the time.

The pager became our symbol for patience, things happen when they happen and that’s what it is.  Bottom line, we needed to wait and stopped letting that small box govern our lives.  We were much happier after that. 

Then some time after,  things changed and we said goodbye to the pager when he faced a severe gastrointestinal bleeding and was admitted in the hospital, but that’s a story for another day.