It’s hard for some people to rely on others. It’s not as easy as you may think it is. Especially if you’ve been a strong and independent person all your life.
Today as my dear husband came back from taking his dad to get a haircut I asked how things went. He was quiet for a while, I went to give him a hug and he cried quietly in my arms. It’s not easy for him and neither for his dad. He no longer is the vital and strong man he was before. His legs have become shaky and his treatments have reduced him to a mere shadow of the man he once was. That’s what cancer does to you.
I’m sure it’s not easy to accept help or rely on others for him. Probably even harder if it’s from his own children. That’s why it’s important to seek help if we need it. The National Cancer Institute offers great advice on how to deal with the confusion you may feel when dealing with a family member that is undergoing cancer treatment.
Many won’t understand why some of us cry and anguish over our loved ones when they are still with us, yet you can feel overwhelmed by a sense of grief due to what the person was. My husband misses his dad, or better said his healthy dad , but at the same time wants desperately that his new dad would lean on him for help.
My father in law carried himself proudly at seventy, still working, being an active member of his community and helping his family in all he could. He was our handy man, he would fix anything and everything. He was the go to guy when I wanted something in my house to get fixed quickly. Today my husband needs to take care of his house like he used to take care of ours.
Sometimes I know he feels overwhelmed with all the work, our own house has almost an acre of lawn which is not easy to keep up, and now he also has to keep up with his dad’s lawn as well.
Nevertheless, he doesn’t mind because he does it out of love.
What probably pains him the most is wanting his dad to lean on him and rest his troubled shoulders. To comfort him and tell him that he’s there for whatever he wants or needs. He wants him to accept what he offers him willingly and purely because he loves him profoundly.
Though he understands that for the man he was in the past, it’s not easy to lean on him, but he’s hopeful that the man he is today will take his hand and let himself be guided as he recovers from this terrible disease.
Because we have to believe he will recover and stand strong once more as he faces happily the rest of the golden years ahead of him.