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Through out my life in some occasions I haven’t followed the rules.  Obviously everybody knows what happens when you don’t follow the rules.  CONSEQUENCES!  Nevertheless, you don’t care enough or you don’t think it over to be able to stop yourself.

Where is this leading us to?

Lately I’ve not followed the rules of people who are labeled with a chronic illness.  You know the ones that tell you what and how to live your life.  Or the one that tells you to always take you meds, because if not something WILL happen.  It’s hard having to take medications every six hours to be able to live a quasi normal life.

Normal would be just living like almost everyone that do whatever they need to do and that’s it.  Not having to hear don’t overdo it, be careful, don’t do this or you can’t do that.  When you turn forty and all of a sudden you lose the liberty of being you, it’s not easy.  I’ve struggled with Myasthenia Gravis for the past seven years and it’s felt like a lifetime.  The hardest blow of them all was when my neurologist told me that I needed to begin considering Social Security Disability Benefits.  I gave up one of the things I love the most, teaching.

Pill Box

via morgueFile

Well you want to know what I did?   I stopped taking my meds.  I began slowly just taking them three times a day, than twice a day, than once a day, and finally I would take them every other day.  I was feeling so great, that it seemed I no longer had Myasthenia.  I was in remission (or that’s what I wanted to believe)!  At the beginning everything seemed fine, so YEAH I am in remission.  I began make plans to go back to school to finish my masters, and then maybe if I was lucky could go a little further to getting my Ph. D in Literature.  Than I would go back to work, all of a sudden in my mind (at least) I was back in school.  Until three days ago, I began feeling (the familiar) strange.

My swallowing began getting worse, and I felt my chest was about to burst.  I knew to well what would be next, the hateful debilitating of my arms and legs.  It would be a matter of days before my symptoms would exacerbate. So, today I called my neurologist because I was in a pretty bad shape.  Making it short, I’m on my meds AGAIN, and to make things a little worse (CONSEQUENCES) I’m back at adrenocortical steroids.  Which make me gain weight and have a handful of consequences.

Tomorrow I have to get on a no salt and low-calorie diet to be able to stay in shape while the storm passes and I can get rid of the steroids once again.  Ahead of me are a couple of super difficult days, but what can I say?  These are the things that happen when we are stubborn enough not to follow the rules and try to believe in fairy tales.